Radical Grace
October – December 2006

Living with Illness:
Creating from Tensions

by Mary C. Earle

Recently a dear friend of mine died. She was 56, and had been an acupuncturist for years. Jeannie (not her real name) had been the sort of person whose life was marked with all of the signs of practicing wellness and good health. She had a bevy of close friends. Her house was graced by a flourishing garden and two happily spoiled dogs. Her two adult children, both single adults, had grown from offspring into friends.

She was diagnosed, and three weeks later she was dead. And now, her son and daughter are being given a variety of opinions about why she died. Many of the interpretations follow the lines of Job’s friends: “It is a test.” “She cared so much for other people that she ignored her own symptoms.” “God needed her for some special task.” Ad nauseam.

Jeannie’s son and daughter are intelligent, reflective young adults. Neither of them has felt called upon to come up with an immediate or reactive interpretation of their mom’s death. But all around them swirls our culture’s unease with mortality, our own inability to hold the tension of living with illness, living with death.

As this time of grieving unfolds for Jeannie’s son and daughter, they ask, “Why is there such a need to come up with an answer?” They have heard from the new age group, the fervent Christian group, and various relatives. Much of what they have heard has not been helpful or particularly kind.

When Jeannie suddenly weakened and became disoriented, her son took her to a local emergency room. The physician began the initial diagnostic work-up to discover what was causing the symptoms. He did not make a reactive diagnosis. In fact, it took several days for the definitive diagnosis to emerge.

As a culture, we in the United States generally don’t have much practice with holding the tension, or with living out contradictions. Our dominant political patterns encourage us to see reality as if it were not complex and multi-faceted. Our religious and spiritual imaginations are sadly withered. Our continual feeding on instant analysis by television and talk-radio commentators leads us to forget the age-old wisdom of careful reflection and deliberation.

Mary C. Earle is an Episcopal priest, poet, author and spiritual director. She has written five books, including Broken Body, Healing Spirit: Lectio Divina and Living with Illness and Beginning Again: Benedictine Wisdom for Living with Illness. Her website is <www.marycearle.org>.

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